Four. Four years ago today this sweet little soul made me a mother, the doctor placed her into my arms and in that instant my whole world changed, life as I knew it would never be the same… and then I blinked. I blinked and 4 years have come and gone, that tiny little baby who I thought I knew has blossomed into a little girl who is more beautiful and perfect than I could have ever imagined her to be.
Scarlett Tiffany. If I could pick three words to describe her it would be funny, sweet and empathetic. There isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t tell me a new joke, always including the words “banana pants” and she still can’t tell me what exactly banana pants are… She’s always laughing, being goofy and just so full of life. It’s impossible to feel sad around her because if you do she will sense it and ask you what’s wrong. She picks up on others’ emotions and sometimes I honestly worry that I’m going to break her little spirit with my postpartum mood swings, she will often say things like, “you don’t have to be mad Mommy” or “You don’t have to be sad” and it’s enough to snap me out of my mood or at the very least step away.
I used to beat myself up about the ways in which I was failing her (I still do sometimes). She is my first baby, my first little girl and she will be my first adolescent, teenager and young adult. We are in this together and we are teaching each other as we go so I’ve come to accept that I’m just going to mess up sometimes because nobody is perfect. I hope that by admitting my weaknesses and showing her that I’m not perfect she will learn that it’s ok to be wrong sometimes, it’s ok to be weak and it’s ok to break down as long as you can pick up the pieces afterwards instead of paving a path of destruction.
Forgiving. That’s another word I would use to describe her. At the end of the day before bed we talk about three things; what our favourite part of the day is, what made us most happy and what made us sad. Sometimes we will even talk about what we’re thankful for (but Scarlett hasn’t really grasped this concept yet because she’s always thankful for helping mommy and daddy)
Her answers are always the same, she talks about a part of the day that she loved most and a part of the day that made her really happy and then we talk about feeling sad and 95% of the time she says nothing made her sad that day. We have had days where mom guilt weighed heavily, I lost my temper, fought with my patience, had to walk away more times than I can count and she will still say that nothing made her sad. Those are the moments when I realize that guilt, it’s a wasted emotion and I need to just pick myself up and try harder the next day. I need to forgive myself the way she forgives me.
In the past year Scarlett has changed so much. I used to worry that she would never make friends because she liked to stand on the sidelines and observe, never joining in but sometime in the last six months everything has changed. She’s enrolled in dance and preschool and she is a little social butterfly not only in those activities but everywhere we go she is trying to strike up a conversation with whoever will listen. She has so much to say and I just love hearing her little thoughts.
I do worry about her sensitive little spirit though. She so badly wants to connect with other little friends, she’s a lot like me in that respect and she gets hurt easily. I worry about bullying but hope that I can raise her to be confident enough that she can handle those bullies with grace.
Just like when she was as a baby, she loves to cuddle and be close to us and she will plop her little feet up on my lap for a foot rub at any chance she gets. She’s now spelling her name and loves drawing, painting, playing with play dough and taking pictures, she loves the arts and she’s pretty good at them. When I ask her what she wants to be when she grows up it’s usually a painter or a photographer. When I ask her what she wants to wear it’s always a ‘twirl dress’ or ‘twirl skirt’ and she doesn’t hesitate to test the twirl factor out. She loves girl time, one on one time and playing outside with the neighbour kids. She also loves My Little Pony and can name each of the ponies, she has a sweet tooth that rivals my own and she never hesitates to comfort anyone who needs comforting (mainly her baby brother)
I never imagined motherhood would be so hard but she makes it just a little bit easier and a LOT more rewarding. She’s the sugar to my spice, the apple of my eye and she gives me hope that there is a God out there because she was made for me, she’s more perfect than I could have ever dreamed up.
Happy 4th birthday my sweet sweet girl.